Why does the sun go on shining?

Do you know what it's like to be told that, after all--at least according to Chinese gods--you are not meant to be with the person you love? I have always regarded the temple my family goes to with respect akin to fear. For a time I stopped going, especially when I started taking Theology in college and began to understand my religion more. I don't even know who I'm praying to in there, and I have a suspicion "they" have never understood my prayers which are seldom in Chinese.

Here's what it I feel like doing now:

1. Rip my heart out and watch until it stops beating in my hand.
2. Ask who the hell is writing the rules up there.
3. And then ask why he or she bothered to let us meet in the first place.
4. Convince myself that the prediction is stupid. Surely any religion that offers predictions is a work of the devil!
5. Find someone who can tell me such.
6. Die. Just die right now. Life can't go on.

All my life I've had little faith in love. Are they going to completely take it away from me?

It's been such a depressing day. Name the worst thunderstorm of 2009 (ok, it was Ondoy...) and it wouldn't compare to the dark clouds over my head and the thunder and lightning in my heart.

Did you know what my dad suggested today? That I take up nursing. That is how much of a failure I am.