How to be happy

Today I arrived at the conclusion that I am generally not a happy person. What do I mean? It simply means I don't radiate sunshine everywhere I go. You cannot engage me in a conversation where I am supposed to express wonder and amazement in every second sentence. Instead talk to me if you're looking for sarcasm, judgment, mean jokes, someone's unflattering top, someone's stupid boyfriend, his lame-ass car, and celebrities getting fat.

Talk to me if you want to hear what a load of crap you are, but only because you're listening to me, though not really because I'm actually very wise (half kidding ;D).

I blame my incapacity for true bliss to being a Virgo and an INTJ. Our types are so obsessed with making things--and even ourselves--perfect that perfection is bound to be constantly "just around the corner". I suspect I won't know I have something good if it whacks me on the head.

And so, it's not men's fault they can't make me happy. It's me. I'll grow old alone and holding out for something better. I'll work myself to the bone, emotionally bare. I'll lose touch with my family. I'll have one or two real friends. I'll be hard and cynical with a weird sense of humor.

I mean, look at my co-star signs and fellow type logics: River Phoenix (Virgo, committed suicide), Hannibal Lecter (INTJ, cannibal), Mr. Darcy (INTJ, arrogant prick), Jane Austen (INTJ, spinster, early career woman)... you get the picture.

So yeah... I can't help it-- my preference for struggle and conflict, I mean-- in all things, especially in love. It makes me feel I'm working towards something, that the relationship has some kind of value that's why it's difficult.

I once told B that there should be something wrong about our relationship; it's too... smooth-sailing. He got mad. It figures; he's an ENFJ, the type who hates conflict in relationships probably more than any Jungian type logic there is.

I'm uplifted that year 2010 has and is continuing to shower us with problems. Sadly, we don't really know exactly which are real and which are imagined, a very big problem in itself. I should be rolling with delight, only I'm not confident that we can solve the problems at all.